Gonna Lay Down My Burdens

I

Gonna Lay Down My Burdens

Lee leaned back until his spine hit the ground. Feeling the hard surface took him by surprise, he didn’t realize he was drunk. Grady stood in the corner of the park smoking a cigarette. He was lean, his figure made a sharp line against the darkening sky. The day had started with Lee cutting out on work, because Kyle hadn’t had a job all week, and Grady had the day off. It had started with a beer and a couple of rounds of pool at the Dixie Chicken that turned into Kyle and Lee dropping depth charges after Chip had come in with a bottle of Jack Daniels, sealed and begging to be cracked open. Lee shivered from a sense of deja-vous. It was like being in high school; a fun feeling for a moment, but not a period in Lee’s life he wanted to relive.
Kyle had positioned himself on the bridge just over the creek that split open the front end of the park. A reed pole in hand and quart of beer resting against his thigh. His steel-toed boots sank into the plant-dotted green surface of the water.
“There aren’t any fish,” Lee tried to stand, only to have his back feel the ground again. He moved his head high enough that he could swig from the bottle of Jack he cradled against his body. It took concentration, deliberate messages to his head to lift, then to his arm to move the bottle to his mouth.
“Kyle caught something once,” Grady broke the silent image he made.
“A turtle,” Kyle remembered. “Wanted a piece of my finger for taking him out of the water. You’re drunk, Lee.”


“Yep,” Lee answered. “Didn’t mean to,” he said. “Grady,” he managed to tilt his head so that he could focus on Grady.
“What?” Grady spoke with a surprising amount of irritation.
“This is like high school,” Lee struggled to sit and took another swig of Jack.
“Unfortunate,” Grady said.
The branches of the trees were moving closer to Lee. He felt stifled, almost as though he were going to suffocate. “Help,” he tried to yell, but the words barely came out. “Grady,” he called out again, only it sounded more like ‘Gayee.’
“You tripping?” Grady asked.
“I’m clean,” Lee made a crooked ‘x’ over his heart with the only arm he could move as a sign of swearing the truth.
“Can’t let you off the leash,” Grady flicked the ashes from his cigarette onto Lee’s helpless body.
“When I die,” Kyle spoke from the bridge, “Spread my ashes on the top of Pike’s peak.”
Grady dropped to a position squatting just above Lee. “You gonna die?” He asked Kyle.
“Yep,” Lee answered.
Grady extinguished the cigarette and stretched next to Lee. “I’m not going to die,” he said.
“How much shit you have?” Kyle asked.
“Nothing,” Grady’s voice made Lee’s head tighten. “I’m free,” Grady boasted. “I’m single, and I don’t have to try to recapture that sense of freedom you boys do. I’ve held onto it my entire life.”

Lee managed to laugh. He managed to say something like, “You’ll get tangled in a mess.”
“Bet?” Grady dared.
“Fags,” Kyle yelled. Lee looked up, and Kyle was standing. The pole had disappeared into the shadowy evening, and Kyle grinned like a friggin’ kid.
Grady leaned against Lee so that their heads were touching. “Jealous,” Grady flipped Kyle the bird.
“Try it sometime,” Lee made drunken attempt at a joke. He rolled against Grady, but the movement made his stomach churn, and he quickly rolled back the other way.
“You afraid?” Grady poked the question at Lee.
“Sick,” Lee said.
“No one’s been sick at the notion of being with me,” He gave Lee a quick kiss on the forehead, then jumped to his feet. “In case you vomit,” he explained.
Lee wanted to haul back and hit Grady, but when he tried, he was too dizzy. “Kyle,” he yelled. “Beat up your brother.”
1 “Naw,” Kyle said. “My mother would make me go to bed without dinner.” They were silent for a moment. They had been silent half of the afternoon, but this time the silence seemed strained. “I wonder what Marta’s doing?”
Lee held in the urge to tease Kyle about being lovesick. Lee knew if he did, Kyle wouldn’t show affection to Marta in public. One of Kyle’s golden rules, don’t show any emotion, it gives the enemy an upper hand. Marta had been the only one he had ever broken the rule for.
“Newlyweds,” Lee tossed out.
Lee was beginning to sober. He was beginning to conquer his stomach. He pulled in long deep breaths and had the overwhelming need to piss. “I’m going to the bushes,” he said. He had to use Grady as a brace to climb to his feet. He had to stand a minute to gather some bearings.
When he walked, Kyle shadowed Lee, giving him enough distance that he could have privacy, but close enough he could intervene if there was any trouble. It was another one of Kyle’s rules, don’t leave your ass uncovered. Ever. The rule started as a pattern established when they were young. Over time, the pattern evolved and became second nature, after many bad experiences. Experience was the way he, Kyle and Grady acquired most of their knowledge. Living and learning, probably the hardest way to learn anything, but the knowledge they gained by firsthand experience gave Lee a confidence in what he believed and what he did. Everything he knew, he knew was true. No myths handed out by generations to control them when they were young or extended by authority to maintain a meek society. Lee trusted his instincts, what he learned through experience, and Kyle and Grady. More than most people had, Lee thought.
Grady made the call to go home.
Before Lee folded into the car, Grady started laying the ground rules. “Lee’s up front,” he said. “If you’re going to vomit, roll out of the car.”
Lee kept his hand on the lever to open the door to the car. He felt Grady was serious about rolling out if he was sick. The first two times Grady had been sick, Kyle rolled him out of the truck and onto the street, then drove to the corner to make Grady think he was being left. Lee had laughed long and hard at Grady. Grady was always the one who got puking sick, so now it was Grady’s turn to laugh. And Lee was in Grady’s car, a vintage Karmen Ghia. The upholstery and paint were all original. It was the first and only new car Grady had ever owned.